Invisible Illness

“My name is Cassandra, and I’m a really great pretender that everything is FINE. I’m the kind of person with an easy and guaranteed smile on her face who never says no at work even when she wants to.⁣ I’m very good at painting a picture of success, despite sheer chaos living in my head or behind closed doors. ⁣I share my story on my podcast @illuminatingtaboo about the traumatized child I hide well, that resides within me at all times.⁣ What many people don’t know about me is that I struggle with anxiety, but happen to be high-functioning.⁣ So my specific brand of anxiety looks like:⁣ Always being enrolled in a course out of fear of not knowing⁣. It looks like reading over 125 books on starting a business before actually doing it.⁣ It looks like reading profusely, there’s never ever enough information about any given topic, because I find safety in knowledge. ⁣Like always helping others but never asking for help even when I need it⁣. Like never sitting down because there’s too much to do. And feeling as if you can never accomplish enough in a day and obsessing over it. Not being able to skip a workout. Smiling through every emotion and mood so that I don’t inconvenience others. ⁣When I’m put on a pedestal, or celebrated for this anxious mind, and this traumatized-child self-protection mechanism I have that makes me frankly, obsessed with knowledge, I feel... like a phony.⁣ Like I don’t deserve praise, but pity. I seriously can’t relax my body or mind, but I’m working on it!⁣ Thank goodness for therapy, treatment and the support of my loving family.⁣ I get a lot of “I wish I could (insert blank) like you do.” Or “how do you do it ALL” I don’t. Nobody does. I’m not better than anyone, We’re all going through it especially now.⁣ I hope you find More compassion for others. More self-compassion too. Most importantly, I hope we all gain more awareness for the invisible illnesses, the original pandemic is mental health-related.” @cassandrablooms

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